Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
