dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
