I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
