and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
