Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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