Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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