She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
