You just made me feel so damn special
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
