Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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