I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
