You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
