If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
