Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
