please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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