what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
