Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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