He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
