Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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