So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
