I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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