I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
