Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
