so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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