Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
