we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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