My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
