if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
