god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
