and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
