just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.