Yo dont text me then not text me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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