well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
