Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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