You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
