that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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