He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
