he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
