We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
