I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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