Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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