You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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