I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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