Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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