I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
