your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
