when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
