I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
