listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
