I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
