no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
