drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
