well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
