hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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