you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
