I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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