Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
