You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
