i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
