yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
