If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
