Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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