Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
