i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
