at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
