No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
