Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
