I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
