We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
