dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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