my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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