Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
