ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
