Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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