I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
