she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
