He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
