He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
