It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
