do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
