I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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