if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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