My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
